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November 30, 2005

Emotional potpourri

This should be a happy entry, and I guess for the most part it is, but there is sadness in my life even as there is joy, and I'm going to talk about that as well.

The joy first: over the Thanksgiving holiday weekend I became engaged to be married to a remarkable woman who, somehow, has managed to put up with me long enough to fall in love with me. More than that, she has brought her three wonderful children into my life, and when you add my daughter into the mix, there is a Brady Bunch a'brewin'. Appropriately, perhaps, we saw Yours, Mine, and Ours while they were in town last week, and we hope that our story ends as happily as theirs did. We had a houseful of people last week, and it all felt so natural, so right, that I had no choice but to get down and propose. I'm still not sure why she said yes.

Darlene, I love you with all my heart, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. To Drool, Messica, and Vickboy, I feel the same way about you guys as I do your mom. I can't wait to see you all again soon, so you can all shout "Ooh, BABY!" when I kiss your mom.

That having been said, all is not as happy as I would like. My oldest, dearest friends Ben and Wanda have been trying to get pregnant. You can read their story on their own blog (link is over there on the side somewhere), so I won't repeat it here. Suffice to say, they have arrived at a point where they are almost out of options. I am devestated. Ben is my brother, near enough, and Wanda would be like my sister if not for the unsavory connotations that would evoke, given that she's married to Ben. Call her a third cousin, maybe. I think that's legal in this state. Anyway, they are heading for adoption after another round of heartbreak, and I can't help but feel a little (ok, more than a little) guilty, because I am getting engaged and bringing three new children into my own life when they've had so much difficulty getting even one. I shouldn't feel guilty, I guess, but I do anyway. I am hurting for them. More than anything, I want them to be parents, and to know that joy for themselves. They have a lot of love to give, and I know whatever children end up coming into their home, whether by birth or via adoption, they will be magnificent parents, and their home will be full of love. You guys have my heart behind you, and anything I can do in support, just let me know. I love you, and I can't wait to see your dream come true, however it has to be done.

One day, my friends, Darlene and I will build a family, and you will as well. Our children will play in the park together, then yours will go to choral rehearsal while mine go home, sit on the couch, watch football, and wonder why yours are always so busy. That's how it's happened with us all these years, no reason the kids shouldn't continue the tradition.

2 comments:

Benjamin said...

That's easily the nicest thing you've ever said to me. Are you feeling ok?

:)

I understand completely about the guilt thing - we sometimes find ourselves apoplectic with envy over your great good fortune in-re:bambinos, and then we feel guilty about being angry about our friend's long-searched-for happiness. It's part of the human condition, I suppose, grass-is-greener in some twisted way; but we vastly appreciate your good vibes in any case.

The real question is, what do you suppose we'll do when the kids get into the my-dad-can-beat-up-your-dad argument? Thumb Wrestle?

Mia (Your former college Hall mate) said...

Oh, I think you, Ben, could easily take Sam! ;P Sorry to hear about your difficulty getting pregnant. I wish you and Wanda the best.